It’s Time I Got REAL…

Ever had one of those times where things seem to be rolling along just fine, really no stressors except for the minor things life tends to throw at you…and then

…WHAM…something comes at you from left field?

This past week, I was faced with a health predicament that could potentially be critical.  When faced with it…I panicked.  I would spontaneously burst into tears…look at my kids and have to fight the urge to run up and squeeze them in a bear hug….I was snippy…grouchy…worried.  I was scared.

I was angry.

When faced with my own mortality, I didn’t give God the credit due him, I didn’t praise Him (as I’ve advised friends to do), I didn’t say in wisdom “your will be done”…I got mad.  Simple, unadulterated anger.

When things are going great in my life, it’s easy to advise others who are struggling to “hang in there”, to “keep the faith”, and to “lean on Him”…But when faced with my OWN crisis, that advice seems shallow.  Regardless of how true it is…it still seems “churchy” to me.

I know the “churchy” answers…I wanted to know WHY I was having to face this.  I didn’t want to hear blanket statements or generalized encouragement…I wanted to know WHY!

I finally had to tune out all the outside advice, regardless of how good it was..and I had to get real.  I had to get real with the one I wanted to truly hear from to begin with.  I was talking to everyone BUT Him.

So, I went into my room and shut the door.  I questioned, I cried and I listened.  I asked my Abba, my daddy, what was going on.  I asked WHY now, pleaded for healing and cried some more.

It was during my tears that I had this overwhelming urge to listen to Step by Step.  A song that is so pivotal to my walk.  It was the first praise song I ever heard that wasn’t along the lines of “kumbaya” and I heard it when I was in my teens..making decisions for myself, deciding whether to follow Him or follow my friends.

It was during the listening of this song that I was brought to my knees, spiritually.

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

It’s a simple song..short..but I didn’t need a lot of words.  I just needed a reminder.  A reminder of WHY I love Him.  Not because he’s going to heal all my hurts and not for the blessings.  I love Him simply because He’s My God.  I want to learn to walk like Him.

I want to love….I want to be his light….I want to help those in pain…I want to help those who are hurting.  I want to be LIKE Him.

After my “semi-faith crisis”, I realized I have a LONG way to go.  I had to go back to my roots…of WHY do I Love Him? I had to honestly look at my life and ask myself…is it so I can live this life of privilege? In my house with the blue walls and the little picket fence?

OR

Is it because my being…my heart…LONGS for time with Him?

You may be struggling with something.  You may be in pain, whether physically or emotionally.  And though the healing doesn’t look like you think it should…there IS healing.

Keep Your Eyes On Him.

And while I KNOW, oh how I know, the fear of what could be or what might be to come, can be overwhelming…don’t be like Peter.

As soon as you take your eyes off of Him, you will start to sink, the fear will take over.

Keep looking at Him.

At this moment I have no idea what the future holds for my health.  I have no idea if there is a terminal illness diagnosis in my near future or not but I DO know this…I will follow Him ALL…..OF……MY……DAYS.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 

“Lord, if it is you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said. 

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink cried out, “Lord SAVE ME.” 

IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 

No matter what happens in my future…what illnesses face me…what trials are thrown at me…I will walk across this water and keep my eyes on Him…and I even have the hope that if I start to get scared…I can cry out Lord SAVE ME…and he will IMMEDIATELY reach out…he won’t waste time.  IMMEDIATELY!

I pray whatever you may be struggling with you are able to get real with our Father.  Tell Him how you feel, He can handle it…then listen to Him.  He will comfort you…

And if you need someone on the sidelines cheering you on…I’d LOVE to pray for you…

Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burders…

Have a Faith-FULL Friday…

~M